Mental health day where?

Last week I decided that I would take the day off today. There are 101 reasons why I needed today off. In my head I had my whole day planned out. I was going to clean on Sunday and get my errands done so Monday I could just relax. Sunday night I decided that I was going to drop off the kids at school, quickly stop for groceries, come home and finish cleaning the house, I wanted to catch up on notes for my clients for my other job, I was going to get my nails done, and then I was going to pick up the kids for an afternoon out. Delusional? Yes I was.

Want to know what I got done? I dropped off the kids late (I took my sweet time doing the girls hair), I started notes for my clients, I had lunch, took a 20 minute nap, picked up the kids and took them out, got home super late to get homework done and for them to shower, argued with the kids about homework, and now they are in bed.

What shitty fucking day that was… can I get a do over? Can I just call off again tomorrow? I am not ready for another week of work.

My goal was to have a mental health day and this just gave a mental break down. I am ending my night with tears in my eyes. I am so exhausted and overwhelmed that the thought of everything that has to get done is literally eating up my sanity. The thought of the time that I am missing with my kids is breaking my heart. There are not enough hours in a day.

My kids miss me. And I miss them.

the mission

I am finally about to put together something that I have been dreaming for many years but have never actually acted on those dreams.

I have always wanted to travel to my country and bring clothes and school supplies for those in need. Today I thought about it all day long and have decided that it is time to act! I believe this is one of those things that will fill up my heart and make me feel like I am fulfilling one of the many purposes I know God intended for me. God has put this feeling of needing to give in my heart and I feel like I must pursue it!

When people ask me what I do as a hobby , I never have an answer. That’s because if I’m not wasting hours of my day scrolling through people’s lives during my free time, I am binge watching Netflix. Productive huh? (Oh the sarcasm!). If I am not doing any of those things, I am cleaning my house or simply dealing with life. Til this day, it amazes me when I meet women who are mothers and full time employees, who still manage to find time during their day to do things they enjoy. For years I have been looking for that extra time, but life just won’t let me find it. Either way, I’m not artistic — I’m not a singer, I’m not a photographer, I’m not an MUA, I’m not a party designer.  I’m also in no shape, way or form athletic, so I am not a fitness enthusiast. Yes, I live in Florida, but I am not one of those crazies obsessed with Disney (no offense, just not my thing). In fact, I still don’t know what it is I’m good at, or even worse what I like.  That’s pretty sad considering I’m hitting 30. My life consists of taking care of my kids, my husband, my home, and working.  Aside from working (because let’s be honest if we all could, we wouldn’t work), all those other things are what I enjoying pouring my time and energy into. The only thing I can think of is traveling, which is now at the top of our list, but still, that only happens here and there.

The search continues for me to find a hobby or something to do, but in the meantime, I will start to plan this mission trip.